Of “Car Wrecks” and “Caitlin” (Original Parody Song Included)

thTCMDP1A8People will always slow down for a car wreck.

It’s human nature.

We are simply fascinated by something out of the ordinary.

By watching the “car wreck”, we can reflect on our lives and “count our blessings”.

It is this axiom that explains the popularity of so-called “reality” television programs, whether they are actually scripted, or not.

But, what happens when one of these “car wrecks” has a car wreck?

Then…actual REALITY intrudes.

According to variety.com,

Caitlyn Jenner could face a manslaughter charge following her car accident in Malibu earlier this year that left one dead. 

“The case will be submitted to the district attorney next week,” Lt. Shaun Mathers of the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department said.

Detectives are set to present evidence to the prosecution that could lead to a misdemeanor manslaughter charge against Jenner. Because there’s “nothing really egregious” in the case, Det. Richard Curry of the L.A. County Sheriff’s Dept. said there’s a “50/50” chance that she will be charged.

A misdemeanor manslaughter charge usually carries a one-year jail sentence.Jenner was driving down Pacific Coast Highway at an unsafe speed on February 7 when her Escalade hit another car, causing a chain-reaction crash. Det. Curry said her violation of the vehicular manslaughter law ultimately led to a death.

Although Jenner was not speeding, she was driving at an speed considered unsafe considering the day’s road conditions.

According to authorities, Kim Howe’s Lexus rear-ended Jessica Steindorff’s Toyota Prius and Jenner’s Escalade rear-ended Howe’s car, pushing it into oncoming traffic near Corral Canyon Road. A Hummer then struck Howe’s Lexus, causing her to die at the scene.

Steindorff and Howe’s families separately sued Jenner, claiming that her negligent actions sparked the fatal crash. Steindorff alleges that she suffered more than $25,000 in damages.

Detectives will also present evidence against Steindorff as well, as she was driving on a suspended license at the time. 

When Jenner first announced that he/she/it was “transgendered”, Liberal Pundits and the Main Stream Media hailed the Former Olympic Decathlon Winner as a “hero”.

Bruce Jenner is no hero. For that matter, neither is Caitlin, his alter ego.

The Old Timers would have called him a “Glory Hound”.

My late Daddy would have been very confused, as he was in the middle of Old Country Buffet, in his late 70s, one night at dinner, when my sister and I told him that the person that he saw bussing the table in front of us was not really a girl, but a guy, because you could tell by the Adam’s apple. In response, he declared loudly,

That can’t be a guy. He’s got headlights!

Back in his day, the “King of the Humbugs”, PT Barnum, would have offered Jenner money to be a sideshow attraction.

For the past five years of writing this blog, I have been pointing out how our nation has been traveling sown the Slippery Slope of Relative Morality and Situational Ethics. And, how this country seems to have resigned itself to the notion that “whatever gets you through the night…it’s alright…it’s alright”, as the late John Lennon sang.

However, where does “self-realization” end and honesty and simply being a good person begin?

Is Bruce…Caitlin…Whatever…Jenner being true to him/her self themselves or to his pocketbook?

Or, is he just “Mentally Irregular”?

With those questions in mind, sitting here on a hot Saturday Morning in Dixie, earlier this summer, I put fingers to keyboard, and came up with this little ditty.

Everybody sing…

WEIRDO (Sung to the tune of “Lola” by the Kinks)

“I saw her in the paper just the other day
She was on the front cover and certainly did look weirdo…
W-e-i-r-d-o
Her picture looked so familiar to me
Didn’t I see her on a box of Wheaties?
Wheaties W-h-e-a-t-i-e Wheaties…

Now, that threw me and I wasn’t sure
But, wasn’t she a guy and now she’s a girl?
Oh how weirdo wa-wa-wa-wa weirdo
Well I’m not dumb but I can’t understand
Why she looks like a woman, but lusts like a man
Ol’ Bruce Jenner…J-e-n-n-e-r…Jenner…

Here in the Home of the Brave and the Land of the Free,We can be anything that we want to be,
For wealth or fame or pride or money
We can even change from a dude to a honey

Now, I’ve a big heart and am a compassionate guy
But, I think ol’ Caitlin’s pullin’ a con. She’s still Bruce Jenner.
Ja-ja-ja-ja Jenner Ja-ja-ja-ja Jenner
Jenner Ja-ja-ja-ja Jenner

Is it identity or fame?
Either way, it’s so lame
His inner “woman” came out
Please put “her” back in
I can’t look anymore…I may throw up

Well that’s the way that this story goes
I still think that “her” story blows. Ol’ Bruce Jenner
Ja-ja-ja-ja Jenner
Bruce was a boy and now he’s a girl
Was it for contentment or his pocketbook?
Ja-ja-ja-ja Jenner

And, now we have another weirdo hack
Her folks say she’s white, but she says she’s black
I guess this weirdness goes all the way to Spokane
Now, the N-double A-C-P will never be the same again

Well I sure do miss the Good Ol’ Days
When the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave
Was not so weirdo
Wa-wa-wa-wa weirdo Wa-wa-wa-wa weirdo
Wa-wa-wa-wa weirdo Weirdo Wa-wa-wa-wa weirdo…”

In conclusion, in my opinion, Bruce “Caitlin” Jenner is not that brave.

Everything he has done to himself, is reversible.

His new chassis is only completed from the waist up.

Jenner’s messed-up life, can indeed, be viewed as an object lesson.

But, not in the way that the Hollywood Liberals intended.

However, if Jenner does wind up in the “Iron Bar Hotel”,

I predict that he/she/it will be very popular.

Now, boys and girls, please excuse me. I have to go hurl.

Until He Comes,

KJ

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2 Responses to “Of “Car Wrecks” and “Caitlin” (Original Parody Song Included)”

  1. Brittius Says:

    Reblogged this on Brittius.

  2. Lady Liberty Says:

    Enjoyed the ditty! More often than not these days, I find myself thinking we are truly in the twighlight zone.

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